Discipleship

Yesterday I sat in the sun under the pear tree for a moment of quiet and reflection. I was interrupted by the agitating click of the squirrel perched under the bird feeder on the porch. I clicked back at him. He continued, then paused to eat sunflower seeds knocked to the ground by the black-capped chickadees. Then, he kept on clicking at me.

I laughed and said to him, ” Dear squirrel, you squabble at me even as you eat the food I set out. I have no quarrel with you.”

Today in between ministry tasks I dropped in at the fitness centre that has an attachment problem. That is, they don’t want to let me and my son get unattached from them even though the contract is done and he is not working out there. Every interaction with this gym uncovers another reason for them to keep taking money from us. So I smiled today when I showed up with the requested email from my son giving me permission to close the account on his behalf, even though I’m one who has been paying for the privilege of being attached to them. Why did I smile? Because I learned that my request to close the membership also requires a thirty day notice. I should have told them our intentions thirty days before the contract ended so that the monthly rolling membership fee would not be activated.

I laughed and smiled all the way back to the car because this gym so far has been so consistent. They have turned what could be a place of love into a place of hate. There is no fitness in this world without love. When I see their name on my bank statement I cringe and wonder what demon seduced me to sign up with them.

It seems to me that pastors are in a new season of pastoring and caring for the church. It’s a pandemic boomerang of sorts. While I thought I might have managed the first two years of this global phenomenon well, now I’m seeing people making decisions, reacting to situations, and getting stuck in their heads with a conflict drama loop as if they are very anxious, self-protective, and unable to suffer love.

Once when a US President was elected I said, “We have a lot of Gospel work to do.” Now that we are living in constant denial about the coronavirus pandemic and folks are trying to live their best lives imagined even while facing increasing financial demands on the same income they had five months ago, I’ll say it again, “We have a lot of Gospel work to do.”

But what I meant then, I also mean now. The Gospel work is what must happen in me first. The Gospel fruit is what I can offer and point to afterwards.

I recently ordered a copy of François Fenelon’s book, The Seeking Heart. This collection of writings has made me smile, laugh and settle in with Jesus and the cross. I ordered the book without thought from Amazon, but later saw that this small publisher, SeedSowers, that I greatly appreciate and would have wanted to support actually recommends ordering from Amazon. Anyway, God has cared for me from the pages of Fenelon’s pastoral writings. This friend of Jeanne Guyon, keeps beseeching the reader to accept the cross of Christ that comes to each person in the shape of their daily life and their daily relationships.

I needed this word and many others.

He writes, “God doesn’t want to discourage you or to spoil you. Embrace the difficult circumstances you find yourself in–even when you feel they will overwhelm you. Ask God to mold you through the events He allows to enter your life. This will make you flexible toward the will of God. The events of life are like a furnace for the heart. All your impurities are melted and your old ways are lost… Sometimes an exciting book, or an inspiring devotional time, or a deep confirmation about spiritual matters will make you feel extremely satisfied with yourself. You will believe that you are farther along than you really are. Talking about the cross is not at all the same as experiencing it. So remember this: Do not seek annoying circumstances, but when they come bear them in peace. It is easy to delude yourself! Do not seek God as if He were far off in an ivory castle. He is found in the middle of the events of your everyday life. Look past the obstacles and find Him.”

Squirrels will squabble, but I don’t have to.