Want to find some emotion at your next party? Ask this:
When it comes to New Year’s resolutions are you a “Resounding Yes” or an “Emphatic No?”
I’m a “It depends.” It depends on how you do it.
Over the years some commitments I have made in the first month of the year have brought wonderful improvement in my relationships and in my general sense of well-being. Other resolutions were forgotten by the second week.
I’ve tried New Year’s resolutions a lot of ways. Here’s the kind that don’t seem to last for me.
1. The List. A list of four habits, one for each significant are of my life that I hope to add in.
2. The Great Ambition. A goal for the year.
3. The Word for the Year. A word that I study and reflect on all year.
These have had varying degrees of impact on my life. Mostly limited.
But here’s what has worked the best. This is how I have arrived at resolutions that stick.
The Adjustment
About 20 years ago I had recurring back pain. I was in agony and wobbling around. Nothing I tried was making that sciatica better.
A friend introduced me to a Registered Message Therapist. I was sceptical but hopeful.
Wow! Patricia worked the geometry of the body. Sometimes I wondered, “Why is she working over there?” And when I asked, she said simply, “It’s connected.” Afterwards she would explain how that spot was connected to the pain I was having.
At some point when I was doing much better Patricia said, “You are probably going to have to do these exercises for the rest of your life.” She taught them to me. And she tried to get me to pay attention to the signs in my body that demanded that I give it attention and do those stretches.
That’s the adjustment: Pay attention, anticipate the moves, then adjust.
I learned to pay attention to the signs AND anticipate making an adjustment.
One of the signs that a resolution may be in order is an internal sense of pain or dissatisfaction about an area of my life.
Develop a Resolution Process
What I’m describing is a New Year’s resolution process.
I usually ask this question in the last and first weeks of the year. For me, I pray about this question and wait and listen. Some years there’s nothing new. In other years what I want becomes very clear because it’s connected to grander vision of my life and relationships.
Taking note of the “pain” I ask,
“What do I hope is true about my life and relationships in the future and how is this pain connected to it?
Then I ask a series of questions:
What can I adjust in my behaviours to get there?
Who can help me get there?
What do I need to learn that will help me get there and keep me there?
What skill(s) do I need to acquire?
What kind of growth in my character or devotion may be required?
What routines or new behaviour could be added to my life to move this along?
What ques will I establish to prompt me daily?
At some point once I have identified the set of helpful behaviours, I will say to myself something like, “I’m the kind of person that ________________________.” By then I’m on the way to becoming that kind of person.
I’ve used variations of this process now many times. With the help of God, my wife, family, friends, the “new years resolutions” have become creations for a way of life.
This process has been implemented for:
Connecting more deeply with God.
Flossing my teeth twice a day.
Becoming a vegan.
Dealing with debt.
Adapting my leadership with a team.
Making a significant change in my job.
Dealing with piles of laundry and dishes.
Establishing home workout routines.
Building a self-funded retirement account.
Learning to listen.
Adjusting my parenting as the children grow.
I’m a firm believer in small steps. I regularly remind myself: Never underestimate the accumulative affect of small steps in the right direction!
So what’s your approach to New Year’s Resolutions?