Tag Archive: anxiety

Squabbling Squirrel

Yesterday I sat in the sun under the pear tree for a moment of quiet and reflection. I was interrupted by the agitating click of the squirrel perched under the bird feeder on the porch. I clicked back at him. He continued, then paused to eat sunflower seeds knocked to the ground by the black-capped chickadees. Then, he kept on clicking at me.

I laughed and said to him, ” Dear squirrel, you squabble at me even as you eat the food I set out. I have no quarrel with you.”

Today in between ministry tasks I dropped in at the fitness centre that has an attachment problem. That is, they don’t want to let me and my son get unattached from them even though the contract is done and he is not working out there. Every interaction with this gym uncovers another reason for them to keep taking money from us. So I smiled today when I showed up with the requested email from my son giving me permission to close the account on his behalf, even though I’m one who has been paying for the privilege of being attached to them. Why did I smile? Because I learned that my request to close the membership also requires a thirty day notice. I should have told them our intentions thirty days before the contract ended so that the monthly rolling membership fee would not be activated.

I laughed and smiled all the way back to the car because this gym so far has been so consistent. They have turned what could be a place of love into a place of hate. There is no fitness in this world without love. When I see their name on my bank statement I cringe and wonder what demon seduced me to sign up with them.

It seems to me that pastors are in a new season of pastoring and caring for the church. It’s a pandemic boomerang of sorts. While I thought I might have managed the first two years of this global phenomenon well, now I’m seeing people making decisions, reacting to situations, and getting stuck in their heads with a conflict drama loop as if they are very anxious, self-protective, and unable to suffer love.

Once when a US President was elected I said, “We have a lot of Gospel work to do.” Now that we are living in constant denial about the coronavirus pandemic and folks are trying to live their best lives imagined even while facing increasing financial demands on the same income they had five months ago, I’ll say it again, “We have a lot of Gospel work to do.”

But what I meant then, I also mean now. The Gospel work is what must happen in me first. The Gospel fruit is what I can offer and point to afterwards.

I recently ordered a copy of François Fenelon’s book, The Seeking Heart. This collection of writings has made me smile, laugh and settle in with Jesus and the cross. I ordered the book without thought from Amazon, but later saw that this small publisher, SeedSowers, that I greatly appreciate and would have wanted to support actually recommends ordering from Amazon. Anyway, God has cared for me from the pages of Fenelon’s pastoral writings. This friend of Jeanne Guyon, keeps beseeching the reader to accept the cross of Christ that comes to each person in the shape of their daily life and their daily relationships.

I needed this word and many others.

He writes, “God doesn’t want to discourage you or to spoil you. Embrace the difficult circumstances you find yourself in–even when you feel they will overwhelm you. Ask God to mold you through the events He allows to enter your life. This will make you flexible toward the will of God. The events of life are like a furnace for the heart. All your impurities are melted and your old ways are lost… Sometimes an exciting book, or an inspiring devotional time, or a deep confirmation about spiritual matters will make you feel extremely satisfied with yourself. You will believe that you are farther along than you really are. Talking about the cross is not at all the same as experiencing it. So remember this: Do not seek annoying circumstances, but when they come bear them in peace. It is easy to delude yourself! Do not seek God as if He were far off in an ivory castle. He is found in the middle of the events of your everyday life. Look past the obstacles and find Him.”

Squirrels will squabble, but I don’t have to.

anxiety squeezes your mind

Here’s a reflection on Covid-19, change, and uncertainty.

When we are anxious or worried our mind is squeezed into a tighter and more narrow view of ourselves and the world. It’s not a comforting hug. It’s a death grip.

You may be feeling squeezed right now by a constant barrage of information and uncertainty. Such anxiety squeezes God out.

Jesus spoke to a crowd of folks who were used to being squeezed by anxiety. He knew he was speaking to many who counted on each day’s work and each day’s decisions in order to make it into the next. The poor make multitudes of decisions everyday, asking themselves questions designed for survival. They are constantly working out opportunity cost. This is how scarcity works.

If I buy this I won’t be able to purchase that.
If I buy this will I have enough at the end of the month?
If I don’t buy this who in my family will miss it?
If we don’t get enough work in this day,
what else will we have to miss out on?
If I don’t get this now it won’t be here for me latter.
What’s going to make me feel better?

The answer to that last question is so important.
When anxiety runs deep it makes all of us poor.

Some of us have become masters of managing scarcity in order to make aspects of our lives work. Students are masters of this with time and their own energy. However, as I also discovered, students are masters of scarcity until they are not! We cannot be in control of everything all the time!

Jesus offers another way through His presence and the promise of His peace. To the anxious His words must have sounded outrageous.

Matthew 6:24-34, NIV

24 “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.


Jesus is brilliant.

Jesus knows that when we worry we have settled for a different master than our Heavenly Father. He knows that when we worry we have set our hearts and the issue of our security on other matters. He knows that when we worry we can settle for shortsighted acts of unrighteousness (like hoarding) in order to secure the future for ourselves. He knows that when we worry we are not able to see the opportunity of His Kingdom in each and every day.

Ugh! I write this with compassion for you and for me.

When the world worries are we going to act with love?
When the world worries are we going to live open to Jesus and His Kingdom?
When the world worries will we make adjustments with them and find the opportunity in this moment to love?

You and I can love by taking the advisable precautions.
You and I can love by reaching out to another and listening.
You and I can love by sharing resources from what we have.
You and I can love by praying with another and setting our hearts and lives together before our Heavenly Father.
You and I can love by reading the Word of God together.
You and I can love by setting our hope on Jesus.

The danger before us is not just a matter of what we run out of. The danger before us is a matter of believing we are alone.

Pause. Watch a bird. Look at flower. Locate yourself in this world.

Pray. Enter the embrace of God in His communion — The communion of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Locate yourself in His Communion.

Pastor. Reach out to someone else and invite them into the realities of Jesus’ Kingdom with you. Locate yourself in relation with others.

Whispers Seem Louder In Dark Alleys

“Because this people has rejected the gently flowing waters of Shiloah…”
                                                                                                   Isaiah 8:6

Send me to the gentle flowing waters of Shiloah.
I would flee these tall halls reeking of despair,
where men move like ghastly shadows
and women are chased by whispers in the air.

O, the normal people with eyes that do not see.
They ascend in cages to empty rooms
but are no better — hearts without space for keys
and glassy views staring back with gloom.

Anxiety stalks us equally no matter the hour.
No enemies are required for this disease.
We yearn for an eternal healing flower,
yet no peace is found in a lonely ease.

Whispers seem louder in dark alleys.
Send me to the gentle flowing waters of Shiloah
and I will consider your grace in all my valleys.
I will drink deeply of your spring, Yeshua.