At a loss for words
If you have no words for “it,” does that mean “it” doesn’t exist?
A lack of vocabulary for the spiritual life does not mean the spiritual life does not exist. However, I do agree with Jonathan Merritt that our North American societies have an ever decreasing competency with words associated to the workings of the soul and a religiously informed life.
In friendship with my neighbours in Vancouver for the last 24 years I have had many conversations where “I made no sense.” To speak of grace – makes no sense. To speak of salvation – makes no sense. To speak of sin – makes no sense. In fact, almost all the biblical vocabulary of life in relationship – makes no sense. And then to my despair even words I thought were shared were not. I have found, to speak of love – makes no sense at least in the way it make sense to me as a follower of Jesus.
The words “faith, hope, and love” are simple words yet they are complex constructs. As a construct these words in the context of the story of Jesus have narratives and relationships buried within them. There are treasures to be mined in these words! When Paul writes, “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love” he has the stories of Jesus and of Israel and of his Hellenized world in mind. He has a spiritual treasure trove available to him and these words were “short-hand” for grand visions for life and of humans flourishing.
Just about everything has to be uncovered and explained.
Most people avoid feeling stupid. Make them feel stupid and they will avoid you. The brilliance of Jesus is on display for us in the primary documents we call Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. These histories of Jesus and of His relationships show us how He used language in a religiously saturated context. There was no end to the religious vocabulary available to Him. But, Jesus didn’t major on these words.
Instead Jesus used His life encounters and language to create analogies for spiritual realities that resided in the human heart and to divine realities that were still external to His “audience.” Jesus uncovered what folks didn’t know and then let them inquire about it. Then when there was some understanding, he offered invitations into it through Himself. In fact their religious language may have been a hindrance to flourishing spiritual life and relationship with Him that He envisioned. He had to help them break out of it.
We lack the cultural impulses of folks in the first century who were hanging around with Jesus, and therefore we often miss the scandal they experienced in both His activities and His words. They were scandalized by Him. And he didn’t mind that. That scandal was part of the breakthrough.
But truthfully, it seems to me, that many followers of Jesus in my city have a low tolerance for being misunderstood. We have a low threshold for the inquisitiveness empathy requires. We may be too quick to write off folks who simply don’t “get us.” They don’t understand us. And so, because they lack the words for “it” we may inadvertently do one of two things:
1. Make them feel stupid and therefore drive them away.
2. Assume they don’t have an interest in knowing God and therefore smugly take leave of them.
But most often I fear, because we don’t want to do awkward we don’t actually risk a look into the soul of another person at all.
So what can we do?
Humbly, start listening. Begin inquiring through the windows of the soul offered to us. Spiritual conversations are occurring all the time. Our neighbours are talking about their relationships, their ambitions, their desires, their hopes and fears, their frustrations and their delights. Our neighbours just aren’t using our vocabulary for the spiritual life. But they are talking about what they believe or at least they are talking about the matters that drive them. And behind these compulsions are an array of beliefs about life. We can look through these windows of the soul and draw out a belief-bridge to the heart. The Risen Lord Jesus has a way of walking across these bridges. Sometimes we need to say to each other, “That’s fascinating, tell me more; how did you come to believe that?”
All our beliefs are relational. Not all our beliefs are rational. Most often folks have unexamined beliefs. The gift you can give is to ask people to explain themselves. Probably they have not had anyone actually ask them to take a look at what they believe and where it came from. Beliefs often have been formed through these 5 P’s — parents, peers, professors, politics and pain. By entering into conversation we can become participants in the spiritual transformation God offers to both of us. Be patient. The question may need to be asked and then be given time to marinate for a while before a conversation is possible. I have it found it helpful to keep the Mark 4 parables of Jesus in mind: God is always sowing good seed in our hearts; sometimes these seeds come in the form of questions.
But later in relationship, we have to become willing to explain ourselves, to search for analogies and to tell the stories of Jesus rather than the treasured doctrinal constructions of our community of faith. We may need to invite folks into an encounter with Jesus in prayer and not just into an explanation of Jesus. Later we may be given permission to be teachers or “story tellers” of the grand narrative of God that we find in the Bible and now in our lives. I suggest we can ask for permission to explain before we launch. This is important, because just like you and me, I find that folks in my city are increasingly unwilling and unlikely to learn something from a stranger.
So listen. So explain. And do awkward. We are going to have to be willing to do awkward in order to love our neighbours well in the way of Jesus. And that means being present, and listening, and explaining – when we have been given permission.
Those who live loved have learned to listen.